The holidays are at last in the rearview mirror, so now we get to unwrap a fresh, brand new year. Though 2025 hasn’t been without its bumps, to put it mildly, we can still reflect on its moments of beauty. Doing so is a wonderful way to say farewell – be it fond or otherwise – and then embrace the new year ahead. For some, a laundry list of ‘resolutions’ is the traditional new year kick-off, but how about instead using this first day of 2024 as a time to slowly shift mind and body out of the frantic holiday whirlwind and into a calmer state of being. Whether it’s a soothing walk in the woods, unwinding in a steamy sauna, meditating by a sun-filled window, or just curling up under the covers with a good book, easing gently into the new year is a great way to begin it. Think of this low-key first day as your gift to yourself after weeks of more activity than you probably wanted (fun as it may have been).

‍During this brief quiet time, I also encourage you to take a few moments to give yourself the gift of inspiration for the year ahead. Here are a few words of uplift from nine beacons of wisdom. These are people who’ve made their way through extraordinary difficulties to find strength, wisdom, love and compassion – and can shed light on our own paths as we make our way through the days to come.

‍I’ll let the masters below speak for themselves, but in the meantime, my wish is that your 2024 is filled with love, hope and peace – and the opportunity to share those gifts every day.

CONNECTING WITH YOUR HUMANITY

“It is through weakness and vulnerability that most of us learn empathy and compassion and discover our soul.”
― Desmond Tutu

SPREADING KINDNESS

“We must never forget the power of kindness and the impact it can have on someone’s life.”

― Rosalynn Carter

TEACHING LOVE

“No one is born hating another person because of the color of his skin, or his background, or his religion. They must learn to hate, and if they can learn to hate, they can be taught to love, for love comes more naturally to the human heart than its opposite.”

― Nelson Mandela

KEEP EVOLVING

“Make every effort to change things you do not like. If you cannot make a change, change the way you have been thinking. You might find a new solution.”
— Maya Angelou

FUELING HOPE

“The best way to not feel hopeless is to get up and do something. Don’t wait for good things to happen to you. If you go out and make some good things happen, you will fill the world with hope, you will fill yourself with hope.”
― Barack Obama

OVERCOMING OBSTACLES

“It is important to have determination, optimism and patience. If you lack patience, even when you face some small obstacle, you lose courage. There is a Tibetan saying, “Even if you have failed at something nine times, you have still given it effort nine times.” I think that’s important. Use your brain to analyze the situation. Do not rush through it, but think. Once you decide what to do about that obstacle, then there’s a possibility that you will achieve your goal.”

― Dalai Lama

REFRAMING ADVERSITY

“You should never view your challenges as a disadvantage. Instead, it’s important for you to understand that your experience facing and overcoming adversity is actually one of your biggest advantages.”

― Michelle Obama

CHOOSING CHANGE

“The bond of our common humanity is stronger than the divisiveness of our fears and prejudices. God gives us the capacity for choice. We can choose to work together for peace. We can choose to alleviate suffering. We can make these changes and we must remember that there are many ways to accomplish our goals, together.”

― Jimmy Carter

As a chilly blanket descends upon the Northern hemisphere, the Winter Solstice on 21st Dec will mark the shortest day of the year. Many rituals and traditions around the world celebrate this important astronomical moment, such Dong Zhi in China or the Pagan celebration of Yule in Europe.

After the lengthy darkness comes longer days and shorter nights, and many cultures choose this night to give gratitude for the year passed, the challenges overcome and a transition from darkness to light. Drawing inspiration from these transformative celebrations, within the realm of yoga, the Winter Solstice presents an opportunity for a practice that harmonises body, mind, and spirit with the natural rhythms of the universe.

In the quiet stillness of winter, yogis have the chance to turn inward, reflecting on the cycles of nature and their own internal landscapes. The Winter Solstice serves as a metaphorical guide, urging practitioners to seek the light within themselves even as the external world experiences its longest night.

Much like our yoga practice, our intentions are ever-changing, shifting from one moment to the next. By reminding ourselves of our intentions during our yoga practice, these intentions are set into motion and gradually become second nature. Like shedding old layers, habits, and personas, this transformative process leads us on a journey toward the truest expression of our Self. Similar to planting a seed, an intention requires careful nurturing and patience. But for it to flourish, we need to release it outwardly, allowing it to manifest in the universe.

As we approach the new year, let your intentions move from your inner fire and be manifested in the world around you. Consider the Winter Solstice as the final movement in the symphony of this past year of your life and the grounding stone to build a new beginning. Harmonise your breath with deliberate and instinctive movements. Move at a measured pace, releasing what no longer serves you, creating space for the opportunities that lie ahead. This intentional letting go clears the slate, paving the way for all that the universe has in store for you.

Feel like you’re on a stress hamster wheel? You’re not alone. Between work emails, laundry cycles, social plans, gym classes, meal planning and Christmas present shopping, it can often feel like we’re overwhelmed by tasks on a daily basis. With nine in 10 adults in the UK experiencing extreme or high stress in the past year, according to Mental Health UK, it’s not surprising so many of us are hitting burnout as 2024 draws to a close.

“Burnout is really easy to overlook because we are brought up in a culture that normalises and celebrates being overly busy,” says Tamu Thomas, life coach and author of Women Who Work Too Much. “Being somebody who always shows up for other people and always takes on extra tasks is rewarded. We get told that we’re committed, we’re ambitious, we’ve got a strong work ethic. But all of this is a road to burnout.”

According to Thomas, early burnout symptoms include a pervasive sense of tiredness, feeling like we need to ‘earn’ fun things, and seeing life as repetitive – “like everything is a shade of grey”, she explains. Sound familiar? Luckily, Thomas has some help with these four top tips she recommends everyone approaching burnout does to curb stress and start thriving…

PRIORITISE MICRO-BREAKS

“All of the micro things we do over and over again have a compounding impact. So, when you are making a drink, whether you work from home or you work in an office, focus on only making and drinking that drink. And I know that we are all entitled to a lunch break every day, but it can often feel like a luxury. But it shouldn’t be. Say to yourself: I’m going to dedicate 20 minutes to eating my lunch, without a hand on my keyboard. It’s micro-breaks like this that make a big difference to how you feel.”

MAKE ROOM FOR BRAIN FLOPS

“Try reading a fiction book on your lunchbreak. Don’t read a non-fiction book while you’re having lunch, because your brain will be all over the place. What you want is your brain to be in a flow state of imagination and creation, because that gives it an opportunity to rest. Let your brain flop rather than looking at a screen or working yourself up into stress in your free moments.”

BUILD IN BUFFER TIME

“Avoid booking in back-to-back meetings. We often don’t give ourselves any space in between appointments, but even if you just create a buffer of 10 minutes before your next meeting, it makes a big difference. Even going outside and gazing at the sky for five minutes in between meetings enables your nervous system to calm, because you’re seeing a wide open space.”

SET A BREATH REMINDER

“You spend a lot of time shallow breathing, with your breath right up in your chest, so it’s important to take some time to do some deep breathing. It doesn’t have to be any particular method, but if you want one: breathe in for four, hold for four, exhale for four, inhale for four, and repeat that cycle. Also, use your technology to support you. When I first started this, I would have reminders set six times a day on my phone. The reminder would just say: breathe. Then, whatever I was doing, I would just take a pause and do four rounds of breathing – just to give my nervous system some nourishment.” 

As a self confessed worry wort with the added bonus of catastrophic thinking thrown in, I’m always eager to lap up what advice the experts offer to help me to manage my monkey mind. This recent article in The Guardian was just too good to keep to myself so, here it is! Let’s all try to worry less and live a little bit more!

https://www.theguardian.com/science/2024/oct/13/anxiety-can-make-you-fear-the-worst-but-dont-let-it-ruin-your-life

There’s a woman who lives across the street from me. From my bedroom window, I have a regular view of her feet perched on a stool, presumably in front of the TV. As I spot her feet, I wonder what she’s watching, how she managed to carve that time for herself and how relaxed she must feel.
M y feet are rarely perched – always in some hurry – and the moment they do stop, I’m left with this sinking feeling: “I should be doing more.”I’m jealous of the woman across the street – not because she has fewer demands than I do, or because I even want to watch TV, but because she allows herself to stop.
Over the years, the notion of free time has evolved. The Greeks viewed it as the pursuit of leisurely activities, while the Romans saw it as a time of recuperation. What has remained a constant is the principle that free time stands in contrast to work. Psychotherapist Laura Patterson defines ‘free time’ as “time away from the constant demands you have on your time”. It denotes a sense of freedom – an opportunity to escape the daily grind and, in the words of Patterson, “a chance to simply ‘be’.”

Free time also offers a host of benefits for our health, yet many people view leisure as wasteful and unproductive. It’s no surprise that those who hold this belief report lower levels of happiness.
I believed free time was important, but I had fallen into the trap of thinking I was starved of time and could not afford to free any of it. While the term ‘time affluence’ describes the sense that you have time to spare, ‘time famine’ represents the feeling of not having enough time. The latter led me to believe I had to maximise every waking hour. I was driven to anxiety by thoughts of “how can I make the most of this time?”

DOING VERSUS BEING
Counsellor Georgina Sturmer equates the anxiety that can be caused by free time with “a sense of guilt that we ‘should’ be doing more; that we don’t know what to do with ourselves when we have free time because we are conditioned to prize productivity”.
“We have grown up in a society that links our achievements with our self-worth,” she explains. “This means that we don’t always know who we are, or what to do, when we don’t have a task to complete.”
This can also come from the blueprints we have been handed by our family, says Patterson. “If you come from a family who values downtime, you are much more likely to find it acceptable than if you come from a family who are always on the go.”
How we link our productivity – even subconsciously – with our self-esteem is key to understanding where so much of this pressure comes from. Patterson explains that free time, or the opportunity to do nothing, “allows us to replenish our energy stores”. But many associate it with laziness, implying that it is something we neither need nor deserve.
This belief drives us to keep doing and when we stop, we question ourselves. Patterson describes this uncomfortable feeling as “an inability to sit with oneself”. She asks us to consider what it might feel like to do nothing: “You are most likely avoiding the shame that is coming from this.”
Naturally, if we tend to feel shame or discomfort during periods of free time, we try to push away these feelings by keeping busy. Sturmer points out that “our internal monologue might become more critical as we slow down”, so that the idea of being alone with our thoughts spurs us into further action.

A WOMAN’S LOAD
“Based on what I see in clinical practice, men do not seem to suffer the same anxiety [regarding free time],” says Patterson. In the past couple of years, she says she has encountered more women who have self-diagnosed themselves with ADHD due to feeling that they are incapable of focusing on one thing. While many of these diagnoses are legitimate, Patterson believes that for some people something else is to blame: “it is the never ending to-do list causing this – the mental load of women.”
Time has moved on and women have found their place in the professional world – yet many of us still face intense pressures at home. “For women, it seems only natural that they ‘should’ be able to juggle lots of balls at the same time,” notes Sturmer. “If we are constantly juggling, then we are never going to feel that our to-do list has been completed; that we are allowed to do nothing at all.”
Social media fuel these feelings: women who appear to ‘have it all’ take centre stage on our newsfeeds, reaffirming that we should be trying to do the same. ‘Should’ can be a damaging word, especially when it comes to how we spend our free time.

HOW TO FREE OURSELVES FROM FREE-TIME ANXIETY
MINDFULNESS
Mindfulness has been linked to benefits including stress reduction and enhanced mood. But more than this, it also helps build self-awareness. By practising mindfulness in our free time, we can learn to observe unhelpful thoughts and how to let go of them. It is also an intentional effort that might appeal to those seeking tangible outcomes from their free time.
WRITE IT DOWN
“Journaling and to-do lists are great for tipping out the contents of the mind to clear the psychic space for clarity of thought,” says Patterson. “It is important to remember, however, that the to-do list is never ending. By writing it down we can contain what is swimming around in our minds but we must never beat ourselves up if we do not complete it.”
TURN OFF YOUR DEVICES
During brief moments of free time we tend to take out our devices and check our email or scroll through the feed we just checked 30 minutes ago. This might feel like we’re switching off but really, we are further stimulating ourselves. Sturmer encourages us to turn off these devices in order to “see what happens when we don’t have the digital world to fall back on”.
SELF-COMPASSION
Patterson believes we need to “recognise the critical voice that tells you you will not be good enough if you don’t do x, y, or z – and decommission it.” What would you say to a friend in this moment? By cultivating a more understanding relationship with ourselves, we can mitigate the impact of these negative mental states and foster resilience.
THINK OF THE LONG GAME
The term hyperopia describes the habit of overestimating the benefits one will receive in the future from making responsible decisions now. The reality is, though, that a fulfilling future isn’t built by only spending our time ‘productively’. Our health and happiness is of value, too. It’s tempting to think that spending out free time in unproductive ways isn’t a decision for the future, but this is something we need to unlearn. Often, it’s worth choosing pleasure.
Patterson urges us “when considering choice, to choose you”. You are much more precious than any of the tasks on your to-do list. I will try to remind myself of this as I gaze from my bedroom window at the woman across the street.

Today is the  autumnal equinox occurs in September: in the northern hemisphere this marks the end of summer and beginning of autumn. If only it were that simple!!

When is autumn?

There are three main different ways of defining autumn: astronomical, meteorological and phenological.

Astronomical

Astronomically, the four seasons centre around the equinoxes and solstices. However, there is disagreement between those who see the equinox or solstice as the start of the season, and those who hold that it represents the middle of the season.

Meteorological

By contrast, meteorologists tend to divide seasons into periods of three whole months based on average monthly temperatures, with summer as the warmest and winter as the coldest. On this basis, for most of the northern hemisphere the autumn months are usually September, October, and November.

Phenological

The third way of defining autumn is to use what are known as phenological indicators. These cover a range of ecological and biological signs, such as the leaves falling off the trees and the migration of birds to warmer climates. These events of course are greatly influenced by weather and climate, and so changing climate could cause autumn to start earlier or later than the standard astronomical or meteorological definitions.

The Harvest Moon is the name given to the full moon that occurs nearest to the autumnal equinox. Historically the light of the Harvest Moon was said to enable farmers to work late into the night, helping them to bring in the crops from the fields. This year, we saw a spectacular full super moon on 17th September.

Mabon is a modern Pagan ritual marking the autumnal equinox. The ritual gives thanks for a plentiful harvest and recognises the need to share the Earth’s fruits in the coming winter months. It is the second of the three Pagan harvest festivals, which include Lammas/Lughnasadh and Samhain.

In Japanese culture, the autumn equinox is celebrated with the tradition of Higan. It is a time to remember deceased relatives, as well as mark the passing of the seasons.

I’ll be marking the change in seasons by embracing hygge; about taking time away from the daily rush to be together with people you care about – or even by yourself – to relax and enjoy life’s quieter pleasures. However and whenever you choose to mark the change of seasons, I wish you a hygge filled autumn!

If I asked you to name a month of the year when you’d expect to feel less motivated, chances are you’d go for some time like November or January – one of those dark, cold months where the days seem to stretch on for ages and the weather’s too miserable to get outside. However, while the weather can undoubtedly have an impact on our motivation levels, it’s not the only factor that plays into our sense of drive.

If you’ve been feeling a little flat recently, you might know what I’m talking about – despite the sunny weather, August tends to bring with it an end-of-summer slump.

A term used to describe a drop in motivation that comes about as the season draws to a close, the end-of-summer slump isn’t a universal phenomenon – but it’s not uncommon, either. As autumn approaches and the excitement of summer begins to fade, it’s normal to feel a sense of fatigue.

“August is mid-way through the year, but it’s also an ending,” says Sally Brown, a BACP registered therapist and coach. “Because we associate September with new starts, August is a transition period when we find ourselves waiting for that new start to kick in. As such, it might feel like it’s not worth making any changes.” 

The hype surrounding summer – and the pressure many of us feel to ‘make the most’ of the hot weather – could also affect our motivation levels as the season comes to an end.

Brown explains: “The unrealised hopes of not having your summer work out as planned – for example, because you didn’t do the impromptu beach trips you’d hoped for – can also play into the unsettled mood August brings. Realising that can contribute to a lack of motivation.”

While, as Brown highlights, experiencing a lack of motivation at this time of year is completely normal, and chances are you’ll feel differently when September comes, you might want to consider speaking a GP or a professional if you’re finding it hard to function in the meantime.

You can also have a go at trying to ‘boost’ your motivation if you’re feeling frustrated. While motivation isn’t something that’s easily controlled, there are a few things you can do to help your brain through this weird transition period and tackle any barriers that might be holding you back.

HOW TO BOOST YOUR MOTIVATION AMID THE END-OF-SUMMER SLUMP

1. HAVE SELF-COMPASSION

“Be your own best friend, rather than your biggest critic,” Brown recommends. “You would never motivate a child by telling them they were useless, stupid or lazy, but we say these things to ourselves all the time. And rather than letting yourself ‘off the hook’, research shows being kind to ourselves makes us more motivated to make positive changes.”

2. RETHINK YOUR MORNINGS

“Our waking moments can colour the whole day,” Brown says. “If you usually start by grabbing your phone and scrolling, try something different like getting up and doing some yoga (great idea!) or going for a walk or run and see if it shifts your mood.”

3. BE CURIOUS

“It might sound counter-intuitive, but making space to really ‘feel’ your feelings around motivation is more productive than trying to ignore them or numb them,” Brown says. “Try a simple mindfulness exercise – sit quietly, focusing on your breathing for a minute or so, then check in with the weather pattern inside. What are you feeling physically? What emotions are there?

“Use detached curiosity and ask, ‘What’s going on for me? What’s underneath these feelings?’ Stick to ‘what’ rather than ‘why’ questions. ‘Why’ tends to be blaming: ‘Why did I do that? Why can’t I stick to the plan?’ By contrast, ‘what’ is information-seeking: ‘What’s happening? What can I do to feel better?’”

4. DO A VALUES EXERCISE

“Getting in touch with what really matters to you can help reset your course when you feel like you’re drifting,” Brown says.

5. SET MICRO-GOALS 

“Tiny daily challenges can give you a sense of progress and movement,” Brown explains. “You could set practical challenges such as walking an extra 500 steps, drinking two more glasses of water, choosing one drawer and decluttering it or you could choose behavioural goals such as really giving people your full attention in conversation, carrying out three small acts of kindness a day, reading a novel for half an hour instead of watching TV.”

6. TALK TO SOMEONE

“Once you share how you’re feeling, you may find that others are feeling the same, and knowing you’re not the only one can really help. There is also something about putting what we are feeling into words and saying them out loud that helps process emotions and create shifts – which is one of the reasons that therapy works.”

Breathing. Most of us have been doing it on our own since the day we were born. Nobody in the delivery room taught us how to breathe, we just did it, and have been doing it ever since, ‘round the clock, without a second thought. However, when we get stressed, flustered or even angry, the breaths we take become short and shallow and that makes us feel even more stressed.

‍In that amped-up state, it can feel almost impossible to calm down without a pill or cocktail. I’m here to tell you, you’ve got the power to do it yourself. All you need to do is breathe. But instead of the way you usually do it — without thinking — tune into the art of conscious breathing. Your breath is the most effective emotional management tool out there and it lives within us, like an instant chill pill that’s ready when you are. Conscious, intentional or “mindful” breathing is the tool to tap into when you need to quickly relax and reset body and brain. When you connect with your breath, good things happen almost instantly, so take advantage. Here’s how:

Conscious breathing is a drug-free wonder drug.

You don’t need to be a meditation guru or yoga practitioner to tap into the power of the breath. Conscious breathing is easy to learn and can be practiced anywhere anytime. I recommend that you begin slowly, by spending a few moments over the course of a few days to bring your attention to breathing, an act that ordinarily mostly goes unnoticed.

‍In just a few breaths, wonderful mind/body changes start to happen as the body’s relaxation response kicks in. Those escalating emotions begin their descent as blood pressure and heart rate start to slide back down to a healthier range. In more technical terms, conscious breathing helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system (the rest-and-digest system which counterbalances the fight-or flight response). The result? Improved cardiovascular health, immune function, possibly better longevity and numerous other benefits, not to mention an overall better quality of life, no Xanax needed.

Inhale the benefits.

In simplest terms, conscious breathing is a modern way to impart the age-old advice to “take a deep breath.” It slows down your stress hormone levels and your heart rate and delivers more oxygen to your cells. Your whole mood lightens. In an elevator, during your commute, on line for the ATM—these are all opportunities to experiment with your breath and even have fun with it. Soon enough, you’ll turn to this coping tool without even thinking about it. Conscious breathing gets you out of your own head, enabling you to become more present, ‘on-demand.’ In short, when stress is soaring, being able to breathe consciously helps bring you back down to earth and spreads health bonuses throughout the body.

‍Put it this way: it’s a lot harder to freak out when you’re focusing on your breath.

Meet your breath.

Haven’t tried conscious breathing before? Then a good way to get familiar with the practice is to pay attention to it by periodically checking in on your breathing patterns throughout the day. Notice how your breath changes depending on your current state of being — whether you’re feeling upset or anxious or engaging in physical activity or enjoying a beautiful moment or ‘breath-taking’ view. Notice, for example, how your breath speeds up in certain anxious situations, or slows down when you’re feeling relaxed or you’re preparing for sleep.

Take deep breaths of awareness – and exhale them too.

To get yourself in a conscious breathing grove, and become more aware of the ebb and flow of your breaths and their rhythms, try practicing this simple awareness routine:

• Alternate a few quick breaths with slow ones, and notice how you feel
• Then, draw in a few breaths deeply and slowly – and feel the difference.
• Breathe in and out, through the nose, making the exhale longer than the inhale.
• As you breathe with more awareness, you’ll be training yourself to learn to let go and go with the flow. Another way of putting it is ‘being in the moment.’ It’s a useful reminder that nothing remains constant, everything changes (no matter how much we may try to fight it sometimes!).

Breathing with purpose.

OK, so you’re becoming more aware of your breath, you’ve felt some of the benefits. Now you’re ready to move up a notch to ‘breathwork,’ which you may have heard of.  Breathwork is a very simple practice that helps you manage stress, sleep better, and release tension throughout your body. And, it’s easy too. The main difference between breathwork and a meditation practice is that with breathwork you’re manipulating your breath whereas with meditation you’re usually just watching your breath—being aware of it without actually trying to change it.

‍Breathwork doesn’t have to be anything fancy. It can be as simple as breathing in for a slow count of four and exhaling for a slow count of four. It’s exactly what your Apple Watch or Fitbit might tell you to do, but you don’t actually need a device to make it happen. You can just follow the 4-4 pattern or take your practice up another notch with simple breathing exercises.

‍Here are a few simple breathing exercise options I have picked up over the years. Try any one (or more) of them and sample the effects of a regular breath practice – and experience a sense of relaxation and expansiveness while you also effortlessly transform a stressful moment or difficult day into a far more comfortable one:

• The Ebb & Flow: Sit for a moment and picture your breath as a sort of inner rain shower, cleansing and nourishing your body. Inhale as deeply as feels good, exhale all the way, then let the inhale rise like a gentle wave. Think of an easy flowing cycle. Imagine that your jaw and throat are as wide as your ribs and hips—that you’re an open channel for the flow of your breath. Introduce the thought of receiving nourishment as you inhale and cleansing as you exhale, clearing space for the next inhale. Stay with this flow for two or three minutes, or as long as you’re enjoying it. Then let your breath return to normal and just sit with the feeling. Maybe let your mouth curve into a light smile (this relaxes the muscles in the face). Notice how you feel.
• The Seated Belly Breather 101: To begin, place your hands below your lowest rib and close your mouth. Then, position the tip of your tongue behind your top front teeth where they meet the gums. Inhale slowly through your nose, allowing the breath to fill your belly rather than just shallowly filling the chest. As you do this, observe how your diaphragm moves downwards and feel the expansion in your belly and ribcage, like an expanding balloon. When you’ve filled your lungs to capacity, exhale slowly through your nose until all the air has left your lungs and you feel your belly falling under your hands. Repeat this process for ten rounds, with each round consisting of a full inhalation and exhalation. As you continue, challenge yourself to make the exhalation twice as long as the inhalation. Breathing this way will help quiet anxious thinking and much of the noise and chatter in your head (and in the outside world as well) while also bringing you back into your body and the present moment.
• The Prone Belly Wave: As an alternative, you can also turn on some mellow music, lie down on the floor or on bed, and let your breath and heart entrain to the rhythm. Rest your hands on your belly so you can feel it rise and fall. If that doesn’t come naturally to you, see if you can send your inhale all the way down so your belly fills up, then feel it deflate as you exhale. From there, push it a little bit, extending the exhale and inhale. Feel where the breath is going in your body; and see if it can spread that feeling to other parts of the body. Even just 30 seconds of conscious breathing can bring benefits.
• The No-nap Lie-In:  Try spending three to ten minutes doing a simple practice that combines body awareness with breathing. Lie in bed with the lights out. You can begin by using the 4-7-8 breath (see below) to relax, and then, moving upward from toes to head, including the belly, chest, heart, and arms, inwardly thank each body part for their efforts today, telling them they can now rest. Feel each body part sink into the bed as you let go. For guidance, look up body scan meditations on YouTube. After you hear them a few times, you will able to do them easily on your own.
• The ‘4-7-8 Breath’ Fear-Buster: The next time you find yourself swept away by anger, fear, anxiety, or extreme sadness, call in the breathing reinforcements. I recommend the 4-7-8 breath for an easy and effective way to soothe your nervous system and find your center again. When struggling emotionally or faced with emotional turbulence, make this one your do-anywhere-anytime go-to. Here’s how: Place the tip of your tongue so that it’s touching the place where the back of your top teeth meet the roof of your mouth. Exhale completely, making a whooshing or sighing sound. Close your mouth and inhale through your nose for 4 counts, hold for 7 and exhale for 8 counts. Repeat this breathing cycle for ten rounds.

You know the old saying, you can’t control what comes at you but you can control your response to it? Conscious breathing is the perfect response, so start breathing consciously – today!

We come to this world as tabula rasa (from Latin, blank slate). It’s a philosophical concept in which every individual is born without inherent knowledge or preconceived notions. Instead, we are empty pages on which experiences, perceptions, and knowledge are gradually etched over time. In our first moments, we are the purest and most innocent that we can be.

And then life happens. We are born to certain parents, in a certain country, with thousands of external factors shaping the world around us. We then go to school where we are taught non-negotiable scientific facts mixed with other truths that have been filtered through somebody else’s subjective point of view. Next, we make sure that our CVs have all the right keywords for the algorithm to pick us for the job, we start contemplating marriage and parenthood, and we learn to behave in a way that will help us claim the best spot within society.

Then one day, we wake up and realize how strategic our lives have become. Of course, we need rules to maintain order in the world, imagine driving in a big city without traffic lights. But where do we draw the line between what is necessary and what is constricting?

“The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.”

― Ralph Waldo Emerson

We are the creations of our parents (literally and figuratively) and caregivers, of education systems, political and religious structures, cultural constructs as well as the philosophies of our social groups. We’ve been made in the image of everything that has ever had a chance to influence us. Still, we are sentient creations, with distinct personality traits, who can feel, think, and speak for ourselves.

In literary theory, there is a concept called the death of the author. Introduced by French literary critic Roland Barthes in his 1967 essay of the same title, the concept suggests that the intentions and personal background of an author should not influence the interpretation of their work. According to Barthes, once a literary work is created and published, it becomes detached from its author’s identity and takes on a life of its own.

Consequently, in everyday life, it would be unfair to judge anyone by where they come from or what they’ve been through that was not of their own doing. And yet, we all perceive the reality around us through some kind of lens. The proverbial rose-colored glasses aside, there are two kinds of viewpoints we take: the window perspective and the mirror perspective. It goes like this:

WINDOW vs. MIRROR

interpersonal vs. intrapersonal

others vs. self

WINDOW

The window lens is everything that shapes our viewpoint from the outside in. All the external factors that inform your perspective and govern your evaluation of reality act like a window through which you look beyond yourself for validation. You involve other people and outer influences in the assessment of who you are and how you see and critique the world.

MIRROR

The mirror lens helps us experience life from the inside out. It reflects your inner world to you. Your thoughts, emotions, values, beliefs, and experiences act as a mirror, allowing you to introspect and gain insight into your identity through which you perceive the outside world. Through the mirror lens, you look within to shape your viewpoint of the external reality.

Let us focus on the mirror approach. Because as much as rules and order are useful in our society, it is easy to miss the moment in which all this human-made structure becomes a bit too restrictive for our basic human right: freedom. It’s tricky, it’s no easy job to question the status quo because a lot of it has been put in place for our own good. But if we never challenge anything, we risk blindly following orders when in your life, it’s you who’s in charge.

As long as you never put anyone in harm’s way, you do you―simply because nobody else can walk in your shoes, nobody can see what you’ve seen, or process what you’ve been through so far. No one is going to live your life for you. You write your unique personal story and if anybody else tries to add adjectives to your nouns, it might lose its captivating magic.

“You get in life what you have the courage to ask for.”

― Oprah Winfrey

We are each on our own individual timeline. We carry a deeply personal set of past and present circumstances that we may or may not allow to dictate our future. Societal norms and external conventions often try to force their way into our agendas and impose timetables on our evolution but can we talk about personal development when it is dictated by anything outside of us?

In the spirit of autonomy, I’ll let you answer that question for yourself. Meanwhile, let me encourage you to look over your shoulder and see how far you’ve come. Are you satisfied? Then please pat yourself on the back. All achievements, big or small, deserve to be celebrated. Milestones of any kind mark progress.

However, if you look back on your life and think you could do better, there’s always time to improve. Growth knows no deadline. We all evolve at our own pace so make yourself your reference point because maturing is not a race, and you might still be a diamond in the rough.

To help you polish your edges, I have a quick exercise for you. In your mind’s eye, picture the ultimate version of yourself that you are proud of, one who is capable of getting you where you want to be in life. Imagine who you can become and―that’s the hard part―aim singlemindedly at that. Act from the level of the ideal you. Here’s an example: if you are an aspiring writer taking your very first steps in the industry, writing content for free to build your portfolio, act as if you are already a published author. And hone in on your craft like your life depends on it.

In his book Outliers: The Story of Success, author and public speaker Malcolm Gladwell writes about the 10,000-Hour Rule. According to research, it takes approximately 10K hours of deliberate practice to achieve mastery in a particular skill or field. One of the best examples of this is the Beatles. Between 1960 and 1964, the band played live in Germany over 1,200 times accumulating over 10K hours of performance time. Gladwell argues that their extensive time on stage significantly influenced their musical talent and made them living legends by the time they arrived back in the UK.

So, are you ready for practice? Your most authentic and fulfilling life awaits.

We had to deal with an unexpected leak over our dining room….over a Bank Holiday weekend! Why do these things always happen at the least convenient moment?! Grateful to  our lovely lifesaver of a plumber who came to the rescue but, it reminded me of this wonderful description of categorising problems into muddy puddles or, leaky ceilings.

Some problems are like muddy puddles. The way to clear a muddy puddle is to leave it alone. The more you mess with it, the muddier it becomes. Many of the problems I dream up when I’m overthinking or worrying or ruminating fall into this category. Is life really falling apart or am I just in a sour mood? Is this as hard as I’m making it or do I just need to go workout? Drink some water. Go for a walk. Get some sleep. Go do something else and give the puddle time to turn clear.

Other problems are like a leaky ceiling. Ignore a small leak and it will always widen. Relationship tension that goes unaddressed. Overspending that becomes a habit. One missed workout drifting into months of inactivity. Some problems multiply when left unattended. You need to intervene now.

Next time you are facing a problem, take a moment to consider. Are you dealing with a leak or a puddle?